The Joy of Conflict Resolution by Harper Gary(Author)

Author:Harper, Gary(Author) [Harper, Gary(Author)]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2004-05-26T17:25:42+00:00

CHAPTER 9

THE POWER OF LISTENING

Give everyone their “one minute.”

— Danaan Parry, Warriors of the Heart

Though the journey through conflict may seem perilous, we each have available to us a power to ease our way. This power quells anger, builds bridges of understanding, and wins us a hearing with even the most stubborn person. It is freely accessible to us and requires only that we let go of the need to be right (although some might find this a steep price). This greatly underused power is that of listening.

One of my mentors, Danaan Parry, held a black belt in aikido and used aikido principles to teach conflict resolution. He noted that aikido practitioners referred to their opponent as their “partner” and when attacked would “step beside and walk with” the other person.

From that position, they could divert the other person’s energy without needing to meet it head-on. In conflict, we “walk with” another when we fully and openly listen to their story. This understanding allows us to redirect confrontational energy toward collaboration.

In her book Fierce Conversations, Susan Scott notes that the word

“conversation” stems from the Latin “to speak with.” She observes that many people prefer to have “versations,” without the bother of having to listen to the other person. Listening is what puts the “con”

in “conversation.”

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